Thursday, 7 May 2020

My writing work :)


My work I had to do.

 I heard the sound of the wind, the rustling trees and the sound of birds squawking.

 I smelt fresh air and salt.

 I saw wood, tree's, land, grass, my friends, river and my teacher. will I fall off,

 I could taste the air.

 I thought  'Will I fall off?'

 What did I do?- I turned around and talked to my friends because I was bored.

 :> :) That's it =)
By

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous7 May 2020 at 14:09

    Tēnā koe Dayna,

    Ngā mihi nunui ki a koe
    Many Greetings to you

    Ka pai e Dayna, i te wā i pānui au i tāu mahi i toko te pikitia o ngā kupu ki rō rerenga, mīharo, ara ko te '...rustling tree's and the sound of birds squawking'

    Well done Dayna, when I read your mahi one can see an image because of the words in the sentences, Great '...rustling tree's and the sound of birds squawking'

    Ko ngā āhuatanga e rata ana ki awau;
    1. Ngā tūahua ki rō rerenga '...rustling tree's...' me te '...birds squawking'
    2. Tō ngana ki te whakamahi i ngā kārawarawa

    Things I enjoyed;
    1. The adjectives (describing words) used in your sentences '...rustling tree's...' and '...birds squawking'
    2. Your fantastic effort in using punctuation

    Ngā āhuatanga māhau hei tiro ano;
    1. Tangohia te pakini mai i te '... tree's...', pēnei kē '... trees...'
    2. Tāpirihia he tohukī me he tohu pātai, kia pēnei 'Will I fall off?', hei tohu i tētahi e whai whakaaro ana i tētahi āhuatanga me te tohu i te wairua pātai o taua wāhanga o te rerenga

    Things for you to look again at;
    1. Take away the aprostrophe from '...tree's..', to this '... trees...'
    2. Add speech marks & a question mark to 'Will I fall off?' to indicate someones thoughts and questions

    Noho ora, haumaru hoki ki a kautau ko tō whānau
    You & your whānau stay well & safe

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comments.
Positive - something done well
Thoughtful - a sentence to let us know you actually read/watched or listened to what they had to say
Helpful - give some ideas for next time or ask a question you want to know more about

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