For my work I had to describe a photo by answering these questions. Where? When? Who? What? Why?
Here is the photo.
Here are my answers( I used my imagination)
On a bridge that could break any moment!"Creek"
Last Thursday on a sunny afternoon. "Tweet tweet"
My moaning friends and I who were whining loudly about having to walk home! "Ugh this is so boring!"
Walking out of school grounds leaving all of my loud friends with the teacher. "Bye" "byee"
Walking out of the school gate towards home because of COVID 19. "Click"
Tēnā koe Dayna,
ReplyDeleteNgā mihi nunui.
Ko te tūmanako e noho ora ana kautau ko tō whānau.
Many greetings to you,
I hope you & your whānau are well.
Ngā mihi, māhau e rangitaki ana i tāu mahi tuhituhi mō ngā mahi 'Tuhituhi i te Kāenga'.
Great, you've blogged about the 'Writing @ Home' mahi
Ko ēnei ngā āhuatanga māhau hei tiro anō;
1. Waiho te 'nā te mea' mō he kupu hei hono tētahi wāhanga o te rerenga ki tētahi atu wāhanga.
2. Kia aro ki te wāhanga 'Kapo i te hunga kaipānui'
Things to look again at;
1. Leave the word 'because' as a conjunction, where it joins one part of a sentence to the other part.
2. Focus on the section where you 'Hook the reader' in the introduction, where you could e.g., use dialogue, use a sound effect, or describe a characters thoughts or feelings
Ko ēnei ngā āhuatanga e rāta ana e au;
1. I whakamahi koe i ngā rerenga tūmahi, pērā ki, '... complaining a lot!', me te 'Rushing back...'
2. He pai te whakamahi i te tohu kārawarawa, ā, ko te tohuoro (!), hei tohu i te kare a roto e kaha ana koe te rongo
I enjoyed;
1. You used verb sentences, such as, '... complaining a lot!', and 'Rushing back...'
2. You used a punctuation, exclamation mark (!), which indicates a strong emotion.
Noho ora, noho haumaru tonu hoki ki a kautau ko tō whānau.
You and your whānau continue to stay safe & well
Tēnā anō koe e Dayna,
ReplyDeleteNei te mihi ki a koe.
Greetings to you.
He mihi ki a koe mō ngā whakarerekētanga. He pai te kite i whakamahi koe i ngā tūmahi hei whakaahua i ngā tūingoa me ngā tūkapi, ara, 'moaning & whining'. I whakamahi hoki koe i te tūkē 'loudly', Tau kē!
Well done for editing. Good to see you used verbs such as 'moaning & whining' to describe the action of nouns (names of people = friends, places = school grounds, things = bridges) and pronouns (he, she, they, theirs, I, etc...), you also used an adverb where it describes a verb or an adjective (whining loudly), Awesome!
Ko ēnei ngā āhuatanga māhau hei tiro anō;
1. Panoni te tīmatatanga o te rerenga 'Me and my moaning friends...' ki te 'My moaning friends and I...'
2. Tāpiri te wāhanga 'Kapo i te hunga pānui'
Things to look at again;
1. Change the sentence starter 'Me and my moaning friends...' to 'My moaning friends and I...'
2. Add the 'Hook the reader' section in the introduction, where you could e.g., use dialogue, use a sound effect, or describe a characters thoughts or feelings
Whakaarohia me pēhea te kōtui tāu mahi '5Ws' hei Whakataki, tēnā...
1. Tangohia ngā 5Ws
2. Tīmatahia ki te wāhanga 'Kapo i te hunga pānui'
2. Tāpirihia te rerenga e hāngai ana ki te 'Āhea?'
3. Waihotia ngā rerenga 'He aha?' me te 'Nā te aha i pērā ai?' mō te whakamutunga o tāu whakataki
Now, think about how you'll join your 5Ws work as an introduction...
1. Take away the 5Ws (take away the words Where?, When?, Who?, What? & Why?)
2. Begin with your 'Hook the Reader' section
3. Add the sentence you created for 'When?'
4. Leave your 'What? & Why?' sentence for the end of your introduction
Noho ora, noho haumaru tonu kautau ko tō whānau.
You and your whānau continue to stay safe & well